Category: changing perspective

Uncovering who you are

who you really are

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I love this quote from the author Steven Pressfield

“Our job in this lifetime is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find out who we already are and become it.”

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and I think this could so equally be applied to hypnotherapy.

The job of hypnotherapy is not to help shape you into some ideal that you imagine you ought to be but instead to help you find out who you already are, and truly become that person .

How often are our goals about adding to our lives with an underlying unrecognised assumption that we are not enough. Therefore we need more money, success, achievements, a better body, more friends.

We have got so used to feeling we need more and that we continually need to improve that we only think this is a commendable attribute.

After all a whole industry of self help has even been built upon this !

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Change

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But what if all this were hiding who we really are and instead of helping us, is hindering us in living a life that would leave us feeling truly satisfied?

This doesn’t mean you have to stay where you are and not have goals or move forward but it is about understanding that the intention behind what we do can be the most powerful factor in our results.

What about changing the intention that underpins your life.

Could you live your life with the impetus to find out who you already are and then be that person rather than continually trying to improve yourself or mould yourself into someone you think you should be.

Your initial reaction might be surely I know who I am.

But really do you – how much is actual knowledge about yourself and how much is belief in old unexamined thoughts that might be actually untrue for you.

Letting go of your old repetitive patterns of thinking about yourself can be so powerful and make room for finding out who you really are and how you want to think. Hypnotherapy can be one of the means to start that process.

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repetitive thinking

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Such a change of direction in your thinking can lead to big changes in how you feel, act and ultimately your experience of your life.

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stress free life

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What are you waiting for ?

The Power of Reframing

Did you hear about this book that was all over the internet last year ?

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KonMari

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Having read and implemented it’s advice, over my Christmas and New Year blogging break, I can attest to the fact that it really works. In two days, I easily cleared out our basement after it had previously defeated me for more than two years, so I was really interested to investigate how Marie Kondo’s techniques have such a positive effect. I realised one of the ways way they work is by using the technique of reframing. This obviously interested me as it overlaps with my practice of hypnotherapy.

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reframing

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Reframing is a powerful tool I often encourage clients to use during a session. We can’t necessarily change our lives or what is happening to us but what we can change is how we think about it all. Helping someone see something in their life, behaviour or attitudes from a different perspective can instigate a new flexibility in their thinking which can lead to a profound shift. The gas half empty or glass half full analogy can exemplify this.

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glass full

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So how does the KonMarie method reframe decluttering ?

Most methods of decluttering and tidying involve looking at your stuff and deciding what to get rid of. This taps into the subconscious mind by instigating a state of loss. Is it surprising then, that at some level, we feel a resistance to loss and so put off the task.

The KonMari method involves taking everything out onto the floor (as if you were going to get rid of it all ) but then considering each item and deciding which to keep. This then positively taps into a sense of gain in the unconscious mind, obviously a much more comfortable place to be.

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I wonder where else in your life might such a change of perspective be beneficial ?

If you want to lose weight why not use what ever techniques you can to focus on what you are gaining , health, vitality, an attractive body, new clothes rather than focusing on a state of loss in the food you are not going to be eating.

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Can you see how this could also apply to any changes you wish to make in your life.

Could such reframing keep you sticking to those New Year resolutions that you have made?
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to reframe

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So if you want to implement change in your life what about considering some reframing of your own.

Try and make it a habit to focus on all those things that you will gain !

Always remember ……..

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freedom

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Comparison – the thief of joy

Are you thinking about what other games could be considered metaphors?

Have you ever thought how often you play Top Trumps as a game of life ?

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Sharks was a favourite one in our house !

All Top Trumps games epitomise comparison and striving to be better than everyone else in the various categories. At times could this also be a metaphor for your life ?

Do you subconsciously score yourself in regards to such attributes as success, achievements, power, attractiveness and then at some level make your self worth dependent on this score. Perhaps you forget you are comparing your insides with other people’s ‘Facebook perfect’ outsides and end up with sense of unease, insecurity or lack of confidence or do you slip into a state where you are continually judging and can only feel good about yourself if your imaginary score matches or is better than those around you.

Both quite precarious positions to be in – don’t you agree !

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So is the only way forward to throw away the whole pack ?

Maybe – but perhaps you might consider keeping hold of your own card.
Thinking about your own hypothetical card can be a positive exercise in getting to know yourself. If you had only 6 or 8 categories what would be the values you would decide were really important to you. Deep seated feelings of ‘ not being good enough ‘ and ‘not being loveable ‘ are at the root of so many people’s issues and struggles in life – are these high scoring negative categories on the Top Trump card of your life ?

What if you were to make a decision that instead of comparing yourself to other people you will now lovingly accept yourself and live your life from that place. Why not decide today your only comparison will be to how you used to be ( row your own boat and just leave others to get on with rowing theirs !)

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Put your focus on encouraging yourself to improve as you move forward. Maybe finding positive ways to build your confidence, coming for hypnotherapy, finding a way to contribute or be part of a community could all help in building up your sense of self worth independent of anyone else.

Wouldn’t it be great to move forward in the game of your life feeling you had excellent scores in ‘ being good enough’ and ‘loveability.

What game are you playing ?

If you were to think of your life as a game – I wonder what game it would be?

Would it be Monopoly ?

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Going round and round and round in circles, trying to make money and get property ( or achievements, qualifications or any other external motivator that might be important to you ). Success ultimately being how much money you can hold on to till the end of the game.

Or is it more like Jenga

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Rather nerve racking when every move that you make in life is accompanied by an anxiety that any moment everything is going to come crashing down.

If you are interested in changing your perspective I wonder what game you could choose to play. Wouldn’t it be good to choose one that felt both realistic and supportive of the inevitable ups and downs of life ?

What about the good old classic snakes and ladders ?

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Isn’t this so like life ? There are ups like ladders and downs like snakes. You never really know what square you are going to land on next. You might have the exhilaration of landing on square 28 and being at the foot of that ladder that takes you right up to square 84. Equally you could feel that things are going really well and then the next moment find yourself sliding back to a place that feels almost like square one!

How could you use this metaphor, of life as a game, to change your perspective? Perhaps it could be about enjoying the ladders but not being too attached to the going up, as who knows what snake lies just around the corner. Seeing the snakes as just part of the game can give a lightness and relaxation about life and a perspective that this might not be the disaster it seems on first viewing.

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Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck !

Another of my favourite Dalai Lama sayings which really relates to this game. What if that snake you just slid down has taken you to a square that with the next roll of the dice will take you to a bigger ladder that you would never otherwise have encountered.

Of course, in this game as in life, there are no guarantees but the purpose of both is to keep on moving. It is ok to feel disappointed by the snakes but don’t let that stop you from rolling again and moving forward. Enjoy the ladders but with a sense of lightness and a knowledge that if everything changes you will pick yourself up and carry on as who knows what might lie round the corner.

Who would have thought such a simple childhood board game could change your perspective on life, help you cultivate a strong sense of yourself, independent of life ups and downs, and open up your mind to exciting new possibilities.

Your turn to roll the dice !!

Changing your ‘perspectacles’.

In case you were wondering, I am still putting my contact lenses between my toes and am getting on really well with them.

It continues to amaze me, much more so than with my glasses, how they can completely change my view of the world. Everything that was previously fuzzy comes into sharp contrast and becomes my reality, whereas with my glasses only what I can see through the lenses is clear. Beyond the confines of the frames, at the periphery, everything remains blurry.

It’s made me think about all the other lenses we view our life through, our thoughts, our memories, our conditioning, our prejudices. So often we are convinced that our view of the world is true, and I’m not saying your isn’t, but what if our view has been distorted by the invisible contact lenses or ‘perspectacles’ we are wearing.

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In hypnotherapy we often use stories and metaphors to communicate with the unconscious mind and encourage a change in perspective. It allows for an individual to take from them their own personal meaning while avoiding any resistance to being told what to do.

So can I tell you this old Japanese folktale – if you’re sitting comfortably shall I begin ?

The House of 1000 Mirrors
Long ago in a small, far away village, there was a place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors.

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A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the house, he thought to himself, “This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often.”
In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, “That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again.”

So can you see how changing your perspective could change your experience of life.

It’s very simple – but I’m not saying it’s very easy

However can you recognise that being open to a change in perspective, is a change in perspective in itself?

Remember the Dalai Lama’s idea of the mind being like a parachute working best when open. Becoming aware of the lenses or perspectacles you are wearing today could be the first step in that opening up of your mind.

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